Guest Post: My Friend Will Possibly Offending People

Greetings eaters!

I’ve got a very special guest post today from Will (manly friend’s roommate of sorts). Now before I pass you off into Will’s very large, capable hands, I feel the need to give a bit of a preface.

The pictures below are a bit graphic. Will is talking about hunting animals. Some people may be offended by this. I am not, though.

When I decided to start eating meat again I didn’t want to be oblivious like I was before. I wanted to eat meat with my eyes wide open. Having my eyes wide open means being aware of where my meat comes from. And meat comes from animals that were once alive and have to be killed in order for me to get the big, juicy burgers that I love so much.

So while these photos (the ones of the animal, not Will) aren’t comforting or enjoyable, they’re the truth behind your meat. Or rather, they’re the truth behind non-factory farmed meat. Factory-farmed meat truths are ones that I choose not to think about, so I don’t eat it.

Anywhoo, enough of me rambling, which you get to hear read everyday. AND Will’s funnier than me. So without further ado, here’s Will…

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A Recipe for Fried Racoon

Ingredients (With some pictures)

Coon Dogs

Maggie

Duke

The one on the top is Maggie, a bona fide Black and Tan coon dog, one on the bottom is Duke, a well intentioned and very sweet, though absolutely useless mutt, whose predominate role in all this is moral support.

.22 Rifle

Yes, that really is his gun.

Finding one in pink is easier than you might think, most Dick’s and Wal-Mart’s carry them, finding someone that attractive to carry one though, is somewhat more difficult.

Flashlight with Red or Yellow Lens

This one’s pretty self explanatory, but you need the colored lenses because the raccoon won’t look at a normal white light, as it offends it’s delicate wittle eyes.

Raccoon Habitat 

This is the view from our hiking spot a few weeks ago.

Where I live is real pretty

Knives

This is my Match.com profile picture

Salt

What kind of parents send their daughter out in a rainstorm to get salt? Also, what kind of daughter doesn’t notice her salt is leaking

Pepper

Will, was taking pictures of these things an efficient use of your time?

Ok the last three probably didn’t need pictures

Butter

GLOMNOMNOMNOM BUTTER IS SO GOOOOOD!

Frying Pan

I like my cooking utensils.

Directions

 

Part 1: Raccoon Acquisition

  1. About 2 hours after dark, take the Coon Dogs, .22 (I didn’t say put bullets on the list, but bring some of those too), and Flashlight and put them into the Raccoon Habitat.
    1. Did I say dogs, haha, I meant dog. Leave Duke at home, he’s honestly just a hindrance when trying to get anything done.
    2. Cut the dog loose near a stream bed or other common place that raccoons

frequent.

If you manage to cut loose on top of a scent, the dog will run away very fast, sniffing the ground

  1. Wait a while
  2. The dog will hopefully tree, you can tell because it will start barking its “Treed Bark” which sounds different than their usual bark and the sound will come from one place. Maggie’s is real pretty, it’s all like BAW-ROOO ROOO ROOO.
  3. Walk to where the dog’s treed up.
  4. Shine the flashlight around the tree, look for the light to hit the raccoon’s eyes which are reflective.
  5. Shoot the raccoon between the eyes
    1. It will fall out of the tree and your dog will start biting at it excitedly, take the raccoon away from the dog and take both home

Part 2: Raccoon Disassembly

  1. Suspend the Raccoon by it’s hind legs
  2. Skin the Raccoon (I’ll save y’all the details, that’s Leon doin’ it, which is his name, sorry, as a 22 year old man, I can’t call him Manly Friend. He’s my friend, named Leon)

    Will's just jealous.

Trim the fat off the raccoon (it’s a pretty serious chore on these thing’s)

And there's the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

  1. Cut up the body into 5 parts, the 4 legs and the thorax
    1. Throw out most of the thorax, except the flank steaks. If you want to be all flashy like captain fancy pants, you can do a butterfly cut. I just sorta cut all the free meat off.
    2. Put the pan on the stove and melt the butter in it. Once it’s good and melted, drop in the meat, and put on salt and pepper to taste.
    3. Eat it.

Well, I hope this was interesting for you guys, also, I’m a little worried you guys are going to think Kara and her boyfriend are associating with some axemurderer in the woods, what with the hunting and that knife picture, which was kind of extreme, so to assuage your concerns, here is a more docile picture of me, sipping tea and listening to Teagan and Sarah.

The heels of his shoes say "The New Hotness."

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Yes eaters, this is my friend and boyfriend. I spared you the details (and pictures) of the pelt making process. 

You’re welcome.

So what do you think:

Are my friends (and my thoughts about meat) bat shit crazy?

What are your thoughts on hunting?

G’night eaters!

 


Comments

  1. jan the man says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  2. jan the man says:

    this made my day!

  3. tammy says:

    loved it! welcome back (officially) to the meat world:)

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