Beyond Bitchtastic Brownies

Hiya eaters!

Today was the first day of classes for me. Anyone else? And I’m happy to say that I survived.

It was one of those days where you have a bunch of things to do and weird times that you have to do certain things so you freak out about fitting everything in to the between times and don’t end up getting everything done. Does that happen to anyone else?

It was a weird day. But it’s over. And I just got out of the shower so I feel kind of like I washed all the weirdness away.

Even with the cleansing power of my lovely smelling bath products, I could still use another little pick me up. And now, I wish oh so badly that I had one of these bad boys.

Hello, m'most lovely lovers.

For about a week I’ve had a near-constant craving for brownies. To me, they’re the ultimate comfort food because they combine two of my favorite types of food — cold chocolate and handheld food.

Yup, I like my brownies extra fudgy and cold. I also like to eat with my hands. I’m a complex ‘Baby, what can I say.

But this past week I’ve been in need of a little extra comfort, more than your run of the mill brownie can provide. So I decided to add another of my favorite food components to really make these brownies like a soothing bear-hug of dessert.

I heart salty-sweet foods like you won’t believe. And after nearly ODing on meat and dairy with manly friend, I was craving something vonderfully vegan.


Harsh, but hilarious.

I totally forgot I had this cookbook and am so glad I found it. And this recipe.


Only made a couple of changes:

¾ c sugar

1/3 c (which is 5 T) coconut oil


Before I could get crazy I had to deal with a little problem of mine — I suck at melting chocolate. Have I mentioned that before?

For some reason I have always been incapable of properly using a double boiler. Until this time…

I put a long spoon in the pot, which left an opening for excess steam to escape. I also kept the heat way down. Both things helped me to produce perfect silky chocolate.

Smooth like Marvin Gaye.

From there I followed the procedure until it came time to add my special component.

Say hello to my little friend.

Which I happily relieved my stress on.

This is roughly over a cup of pretzel pieces. I used most of it.

At first I was thinking that a pretzel layer at the bottom would be nice. But then I worried that they would get a little soft. So I experimented.

Step 1 — thin layer of batter.

Step 2 — sprinkle of pretzel pieces on one half.

Step 3 — thick layer of batter.

Step 4 — sprinkle of pretzel pieces on the other half.

Step 5 — thin layer of batter.

Into the (350 degree) oven they went (for 25-30 minutes) until the smell was too intoxicating to wait any longer. And imagine my almost uncontrollable excitement when I saw that thin papery film that coats the top of only the best brownies.

After a little time in the fridge, it was time for their close up.


These things were like barely cakey fudge.

And the verdict on the pretzels — it’s better on top.

Oh, and the coconut oil is something not to be skipped. It adds a subtle but present hint of coconut to every delicious, salt-kissed bite.

Right about now, I want one of these lovely little squares like I want a warm, attractive body in my used college bed.

Incase you’re unclear, I would like both reallyreallyREALYY bad.

Bye bye, babies.

Unfortunately, I can’t have either right now. Maybe another shower.

G’night eaters!

PS- I mused.


  1. Resolutions? says:

    [...] By which I mean that when I eat sugar I want it to be…sweet. I want my sugar in the form of a Beyond Bitchtastic Brownie ( or a Ginger Donut, not in the form of salsa (yes, I found salsa in my [...]

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